"The Midwest: It Exists, and People Actually Live There"

Welcome to the Midwest: the part of the country people fly over and immediately forget. It’s the land of corn, cows, casseroles, and conversations about the weather that last way too long.

Here, you’ll find cities like Chicago (where wind can slap you into another timeline) and towns so small the only store is a gas station that also sells live bait and birthday cards. Everyone smiles, which is suspicious. Either they’re being polite or plotting something — both are equally likely.

The Midwest is where football is religion, deep-dish pizza is considered a vegetable, and winters are less a season and more a multi-month survival challenge. But hey, at least the people are nice. And passive-aggressively judgmental.