“Why Voting Feels Like Choosing a Room on the Titanic”

American democracy is a fun little system where you get two main choices:

• A party that wants to set your house on fire,

• And a party that wants to debate whether fire is really bad.

Elections here involve billion-dollar ads, voter suppression, gerrymandering, and the thrilling anxiety of realizing your vote might hinge on a county in Pennsylvania where 12 people live.

Also, the Electoral College—a system so outdated it makes dial-up internet look modern.

But don’t worry. Every few years, Americans drag themselves to the polls, choose between mediocre and mildly worse, and then go home to scream into a pillow.

Because nothing says “freedom” like picking your favorite disaster.