“Thanksgiving: The Feast Where History is Ignored and Carbs are Worshipped”

Thanksgiving is America’s favorite holiday where everyone pretends colonialism was a picnic, pilgrims were saints, and turkeys are delicious (they’re not).

It’s the day we gather to:

• Celebrate being “grateful,”

• Shove 4,000 calories into our faces,

• And ignore that the holiday literally started with disease and land theft.

Also: parades, football, and forcing introverts to socialize with distant cousins. All while pretending Native Americans didn’t get absolutely screwed over. So yes, let’s be “thankful.”